The Life of The Tom

Character Development

2011-05-16T08:53:00.001-06:00

I am free because I am honest. I don't have to worry about what I said yesterday or a month or a year ago. I don't have to maintain intricate mental histories of what I said to whom, or what I intended by each word or act. And when I am wrong, admitting my error or fault isn't very painful, because I know I act in good faith in the things that I say and do - I never have to despise myself, or fear what the future holds. It feels good.

I can say that I am an honest man not because I am perfect or that I have never committed a dishonest act, but rather because I understand and apply two universal truths about what it takes to mold my own character. First, I know that my past is redeemed; Second, I understand that the consistent application of true principles leads, in time, to significant achievement and growth.

My Past is Redeemed

In a world of straight, undiluted Law and Justice, every wrong act would be balanced with a fair punishment - the scales would always be level and even. In the words of a trusted friend several years ago, “The Law of Justice means this: Sin must be paid for by suffering”. When I heard him say that, my blood felt like it ran chill. Fortunately, we do not live in a world of straight, undiluted, and immediate justice. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, has paid the penalty of all our wrongdoing and by so doing, has given us some time (calling it a probationary state) to get it right and learn how to not do wrong things with our lives. On condition of our repentance, our mistakes are wiped away and we can move forward, unfettered by the chains that would justly and rightly bind us as a consequence of our wrongs. Because my past is redeemed, I can move forward and beyond the erroneous things I have done and look forward to a time when my character will be above those things. Because my past is redeemed, my future is bright and exciting!

Consistent Application of True Principles

Being unchained from my mistakes, I can now move forward in building my character. We become what we become by the things that we consistently choose to do or not do. I have become honest because I have chosen to love truth - and this love of truth has helped to support me when it was not convenient or easy to be honest. As I have consistently chosen truth over comfort, convenience, or impressing people, I have noticed that I have been given greater strength to endure even more challenging tests of my integrity. Over time I have come to believe that I am indeed an honest man, which gives me even more reason to uphold that standard in my conduct.

Application

So, what’s the application of all of this? Honesty was my example, but you can use these ideas to progress in any part of your life that you choose. You can use it to increase your skill in a certain area, or to cultivate a virtue in your life. You can use it to lift other people. You can have confidence in knowing that your previous performance doesn’t determine your future success (remembering, of course, that the Atonement is the source of that relief), and then you can move forward in consistently applying true principles over a long period of time.

To Trust in the Lord?

2011-03-24T23:37:00.000-06:00

What does it mean, in concrete practical terms, to "trust in the Lord" (Prov. 3:5, Isa. 12:2, Ps. 28:7) ?

In my opinion the idea of “trust in the Lord” has two components - vision and hope.

Vision to see in your past the good things that God has given and made possible for you, all of the growth and happiness that you have so far experienced. And Vision to see in your future all of this past happiness and growth repeated and multiplied, by the Lord. This second kind of vision (along with faith) produces hope, and as a side effect, gives you the ability to be content with your current circumstances and to look forward with excitement to the day when all the blessings you desire will finally be yours.

So, the application of the principle is this - look back on all of the good things in your life, then have the vision to see them multiplied many times over in your future, and you’ll be able to be content and happy in the present.

Providing

2010-06-21T21:23:00.003-06:00

I was looking through some of my notes this evening and found something that I wrote down a while ago. I'm not sure how long ago it was, but it seems to me to be about a year old. As I read over it, I felt like it would be a good thing to share, so here you go. You'll probably notice that the tone is a little different than what I usually write here - that's mostly because this was written in some of my private notes that I don't normally share with others. It's pretty raw and unrefined. But, I think it needs to be heard, so I apologize if the personalness of it is a little weird. It's my opinion that there are a lot of husbands and fathers out there that exemplify this kind of idealistic thinking about what men can become.

"Our wedding anniversary was approaching, and I wanted to buy Mary a fancy coat to show my love and appreciation for our many happy years together. When I asked what she thought of the coat I had in mind, she replied with words that again penetrated my heart and mind. 'Where would I wear it?' she asked. (At the time she was a ward Relief Society president helping to minister to needy families.) Then she taught me an unforgettable lesson. She looked me in the eyes and sweetly asked, 'Are you buying this for me or for you?' In other words, she was asking, 'Is the purpose of this gift to show your love for me or to show me that you are a good provider or to prove something to the world?' I pondered her question and realized I was thinking less about her and our family and more about me."
-- Elder Robert D. Hales, General Conference, April 2009

Self-discipline and self-restraint are at the center of what it means to be a provider. Self-discipline to work long, hard hours to provide the things that our families need, self-discipline to stop working before work becomes a selfish pursuit. Self-restraint to say "No" to the all of the honors that the world bestows upon hard workers, when my family needs me. Self-restraint to give my wife and children the best part of me, and give the leftovers to the rest of the world (instead of the other way around).

Lessons Learned

2010-06-12T13:25:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning at about 9:20 I passed the last CCNP exam, the ONT. It felt good. 4 years ago, when I passed my last CCNA exam, I dismissed the possibility of doing the CCNP - it was just too much work, and I had other things to do (like chasing girls :). But I read part of the book for the Switching test a few months after that, and it seemed within my grasp, so I decided to go for it. It turns out that I learned about a lot more than just networking.

Lesson One: Failure is the price of success

Of the 4 required exams for the certification, I failed the first 3 one time each before passing them. It raised the cost of the cert considerably, but it was money well spent. Each time I failed, it gave me the intensity I needed to do the necessary preparations to pass the next time. Each time I failed, it was because I was not prepared, but the bitterness of the failure reminded me that "Half-efforts do not produce Half-results -- they produce no results [1]". There was something that failure did to my mindset that not only made passing the test sweeter, but it also made passing the test worth something to my character.

Lesson Two: We Need Cheerleaders

At first I was hesitant to tell people around me what I was doing. I don't know if it was because I didn't want to have to reveal my failures (which I knew there would be some of) when they happened, or if it was because I assumed most people wouldn't understand the significance of what I was attempting to do. But as I progressed through the tests my heart softened a little and as people asked me what was going on in my life I would tell them. Most dismissed it as another conversational detail, like I thought they would. But a few people really grabbed on to it and remembered me and asked me how I was doing with it from time to time. A few very special close friends (you know who you are) wished me luck as the exam dates drew near, and more importantly, prayed for me. They called me and sent me text messages telling me they were thinking about me. I should mention that none of these very close friends were technical people.

With all of this support, I felt more confident not only as I was studying and memorizing, but also as I approached my Heavenly Father in prayer to ask Him to help me succeed. Because I know that He loves me and wants me to be successful, and because I know that these close friends also want those same things for me, I felt somehow more bold in my petitions in prayer for help in specific things (understanding what's being asked of me on the test, remembering all of the technical data, clear thinking and reasoning), etc. It's pretty clear to me now that the best kind of success comes when it comes from a community of people - really, my certification belongs to all the people that loved me, and not just to me. This is probably one of the sweetest, most important lessons I have learned in this process, and, as usual, it was taught to me by people that I love.

Lesson Three: Slow, Incremental Improvement Works Better

One of my most serious defects is impatience. Like a lot of people, I want what I want, and I want it now. Failing 3 exams really made consider what I was doing wrong. On the last exam, I wanted to pass it the first time, just to see if it was possible. So I asked for some help. My brother-in-law, who has some background in learning strategies, gave me some tips that I followed. He said that it's better to learn in small chunks - for example, 5 hours of study spread out over 5 days is much more effective than cramming it all into one day. Also, it just seems to be a true principle to me that slow and steady is a much more stable way to do things. So I designed my study course for the last test so that I could take little bites, more often. I mapped out an 8-week program, and mostly followed it. I studied every week day and most Saturdays, but never on Sundays. This new strategy made a HUGE difference. The exams are all 90 minutes long. I have never, in all of the time I have been taking Cisco exams, finished one with more than 1 or 2 minutes to spare. This time, I finished with 26 minutes left over. As I approached each question, I knew immediately whether or not I knew the answer - there was very little "test-taking reasoning" going on this time. And I passed on the first attempt.

I'm taking the weekend off to relax and savor the feeling a little bit. Then, on Monday, I'm going to get working on the Juniper entry-level certification, the JNCIA. It should be quick, maybe 3 weeks if I can do it right. Then, after that, I'll start prepping for CCIE, which is in another universe as far as difficulty and comprehensiveness goes.

I'm excited to see what lessons I'll learn. If it's anything like what I've experienced so far, it should be quite an adventure!

[1] - From the book "You, Inc." by Harry and Christine Beckwith. Definitely a recommended read.

Work and Family

2009-10-06T20:38:00.003-06:00

During my run tonight, inspiration struck. I have my Bachelor's degree from WSU, but I have also been working on an industry certification, the CCNP. I have referred to it in other blog posts (You can go here, here, and here to read the chronicle so far), but the short version is that it is a long and tough process, made up of four exams.

I had been studying today at home and I was thinking about the loneliness of it all - I spend a lot of hours sitting at home, alone, just me and my books, trying to get this thing done. And I wondered what good it is all doing. I realized that the time I spend here and now, educating myself and increasing my market value in the workforce, will have much more value than just the kind of salary I can fetch with these credentials.

If I can qualify myself to be a Network Architect, I will be able to control my time and will have much of it available for my future family. I'll probably be able to work from home a good part of the time. Getting there isn't going to be easy or quick, but I have a theory about how to quantify the effect that my training now will have on my family time later on.

I'm sure most of us have seen the charts that show how saving money when you are young yields much more interest growth than when you start saving later. Most of us have been startled to see that you actually can save twice as much or more over your lifetime by starting early and then only paying into your savings account for 10 years, as opposed to waiting ten years and then paying into your savings account for 30 years. I don't know what the numbers are yet, but I have a suspicion that the hours I put in to training myself right now will have that same kind of investment effect on the hours I can spend with family later on.

Expressed in terms of a ratio, it would look something like this, X=hours spent training now, Y=hours available to my family later on, n=unknown (this is the part I have to wait for) :

X:Y, where Y=(1+n)

So let's say that n=1 hour. For every 1 hour (X) I spend training now, I get 1 + 1 (n) hours with my family that I would not have otherwise had. 1:2 is a pretty good ratio - that's 100% increase.

So if I put in 1000 hours training myself now, at the beginning of my career, I will have 2000 hours with my family that I would not have otherwise had. That's 83 days. And what if a chunk of those hours could be used when my children are in special need of a father? Or when my wife needs me to take over whatever she's doing so that she can stay balanced, or whatever her needs are? Now we're talking about real value, value that goes way beyond the compensation package that the market is willing to give me.

I have a sneaking suspicion that n = more than 1.

Of course, this is all speculation. In the end, it is probably impossible to measure the effect in terms of hours.

Jacob, the Book of Mormon prophet that shed so much light on the mission of the Savior, had this to say about work, and about doing the right kinds of work: "Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness." (2 Ne. 9:51)

Clearly, we have to be wise about how we spend our lives. Lots of wealth, and lots of knowledge, are out there. But I think that I have discovered a simple truth- If I spend my labor now on the stuff that is hard and not fun, I will have plenty of satisfaction with my life, because I will have my family with me.

That's motivation!

.

On Waiting

2009-09-25T15:40:00.000-06:00

I decided to do some cleanup of my corner of the blogosphere. I have a couple of other blogs set up that I never post to, so I'm going to close them down and just use this one from now. But there is one post that I authored last year at about this time that I'd like to put here, just to keep the record of it. I've pasted it in below. When I originally wrote this piece, I was having a hard time with being single, and spent a lot of time thinking about the loneliness of it all. I feel much more confident about my life now, but I also believe I learned some important things during that time.

Anyway, here it is. Be warned, it's kind of long.

To begin, I'd like to outline which demographic I am speaking about. There are several groups of singles in the church. You have the age-based (under 35 years old) demographics, which loosely fit into 3 categories:

* 18-19 men and 18-21 women
* 21-24
* 25-35

Then, you have your attitude demographics, including:

* Those who aren't interested in dating, for whatever reason
* Those who have a vague interest in the opposite sex, whose main motivation in dating is the pressure applied to them by parents and other well-meaning "adults"
* Those who sincerely want to find a companion and get on with the next phase in life, but haven't yet found someone

There are other categories we could put people into, including new converts, divorced people, people with "issues" that keep them single, etc. For this blog, however, I would like to limit my thoughts and opinions to the 25-35 year old, earnestly-searching-for-a-companion crowd.

This is a diverse and very capable group of people. We are finished with or are finishing our bachelor's degrees or graduate degrees and are established in our careers, for the most part. Most of us have served missions and have given meaningful service in the church on multiple occasions since the mission. We understand the power of the scriptures and many of us are very gifted, spiritually speaking.

I believe we are also one of the least understood groups in the church, by everyone, including sometimes ourselves. Sometimes we are treated like teenagers by others who haven't taken any time to try to understand us. Sometimes we treat each other like teenagers. And sometimes we make meaningful spiritual contributions to the work of God that leaves the uninformed scratching their heads, asking that familiar question: "Why isn't he/she married yet?"

Putting aside cultural irritations, for a moment, I would like to present one possible theory in answer to that question. This doesn't apply to all people, but I think it applies to many of us.

It is my opinion that many in the demographic I am trying to describe simply need more time to prepare to raise the next generation. I have met many single women my age who yearn to have children, but they are still denied the blessings of marriage and family. I will never forget one young lady whom I was on a date with that, in sincere questioning, asked, "Why do I have to wait?" I myself have longed for a companion and children for a long time. I don't feel like anything is fundamentally wrong with me, but even with my correct desires, I still see no fruits in the dating realm.

When I say that we need more time to prepare, I am not suggesting that we should put off marriage and family until we "feel prepared". From what I have heard from those in marriage land, you can't ever really "be ready". What I am saying is that we may be able to find meaning in our suffering, and that our experience won't be wasted. (See Note 1 below) Two stories from scripture come to mind.

The first is the story of Zacharias and Elizabeth. You can find it in Luke 1. The scriptures say that they "were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless." Yet, they were still denied their most righteous desire, namely, a child of their own. Their desire was pure and good, but still they waited. They had waited, presumably for a very long time, for the scriptures say that they were now "well stricken in years".

I wonder what went on in the hearts of Zacharias and Elizabeth during those early years of barrenness. I wonder how the ache of having no child changed as the years went by and the time for having a child had seemingly passed. I wonder what effect that patient and righteous suffering had on their souls. But in those early years, Zacharias and Elizabeth probably didn't know that they would be the parents of John the Baptist. The Forerunner would come out of their loins, but they didn't see that. The child that they would raise would prepare the way of the Lord, and "make ready a people prepared for the Lord." Surely The Baptist's parents would have to be prepared themselves in order to prepare him for his own preparatory mission.

The key here seems to be that Zacharias and Elizabeth didn't just mark time, waiting for the blessings that they thought they deserved. (See Note 2 below) They worked. Zacharias was a faithful priesthood holder who had his life in such order that he could "[execute] the priest’s office before God in the order of his course". Both he and Elizabeth had been worthy and received the ordinances of the Lord. And they were still worthy when the blessing finally came.

I don't think the waiting was a punishment, and I don't think it was because they were doing something wrong. I think it was because the Lord needed a couple prepared to bless their posterity, and since they were righteous, they were willing to do it the Lord's way. I don't think that single 25-35 people have to be any different than Zacharias and Elizabeth were. We can receive the ordinances of the Lord. We can serve faithfully where we are. Those who married early will probably never understand the loneliness and emptiness that we often face, but it's okay because we are in good company with others who had to learn patience. If we can endure, it will be made right in the end.

The second story is that of Abraham and Sarah. This story starts in Genesis 21, but it has no end, according the Abrahamic Covenant (Gen. 22:16-18). Abraham was 100 years old when his first son was born of Sarah. That's a long time to wait. But, important things needed to happen, for out of this son would spring the covenant race. And this son would help to provide Abraham the kind of experience he would need to be a true Patriarch (See Note 3 below).

If we will be patient, taking opportunities as they come our way, I believe that all of this waiting and heartache will eventually be not only for our good, but for our children's good. To suffer that someone else might be served is the most noble kind of experience we can have.

Notes and References

1. Orson F. Whitney said, "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven” (as quoted in Faith Precedes the Miracle, Kimball, p. 98).

2. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, " . . . stop waiting and start moving. Prepare yourself for life—even a single life—by education, experience, and planning. Don’t wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord."

See the excerpt from his talk for the complete text.

3. Abraham's heartbreaking journey to Mount Moriah taught the Patriarch, among other things, what it was like to lay his only son on the altar, thus preparing him for the supreme title of Father and Patriarch. (See Genesis 22:2-14)

Men, Women, What They Want, and What's Busted

2009-09-21T13:29:00.002-06:00

While I was eating lunch today I was pondering the world of dating, and especially the world of LDS dating of which I am a part. As I finished my lunch and started walking back to the office, I came up with some ideas.

My train of thought began on something a trusted confidant of mine shared with me a little while ago - the truth that men are, by their biology, visual creatures. Men and women are attracted to different things. Men act, at least at first, based on what they see when they look at a woman. To be attracted to a woman, a man must be pleased by what he sees. It sounds neanderthal. But it's a biological fact and it can't be changed, it's part of being human.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I will again state that I am not married, and haven't ever been married. So clearly I am quite an expert on all things female.

Women are attracted to men in a much different way. Whether they admit it or not, whether they consciously think it or not, women want to know the answer to a basic question: "Will he be able to provide for and protect me, and provide for and protect our children?" It's a basic, hardwired instinct. And if the answer to those questions is unclear, or if the answer is "No", it will be difficult for that man to be attractive to that woman. Now the man could make excuses. He could say "I'm trying to find myself", or, "I just don't know what I want to do with my life right now". Nevertheless, his attractiveness to her will be diminished. Also, it's important to understand that "provide for" isn't just about providing an income. "Provide" also means the ability to provide emotional support and spiritual strength.

I'm not saying that women aren't also visually attracted to men. But I think the most basic, most important criteria for attraction are different between men and women.

Let's come back to the men for a minute. Men are visual, it's true. Even the best men among us will tell you that they "noticed" or "saw" the woman they later married, which led to a conversation, which led to a relationship. That's not bad. It's not unnatural. So here's what is busted, in my opinion:

Many forms of popular media are all about visual stimulation. It's one of the quickest avenues into the brain. Think of the instant emotional and even physical response your body makes when you see a music video, or watch something on TV. The problem isn't the vehicle (the TV), it's the content (the movie or the TV show). If harmful content streams directly into our brain for long enough, it will begin to affect our perception. The Savior said, "The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness." (Matt. 6:22-23) It is absolutely true that what we put into our body via our eye will affect us. We can choose to consume filth via our eyes, but we cannot choose the consequences of that consumption.

Here is where we have a problem. Men are visual creatures. If the content streaming into their brain is constantly telling them that the ideal woman has a certain type of figure, certain physical features, and certain attitudes, eventually, even the best among us will begin to believe it. The irony is that popular media has no right to dictate those kinds of standards.

If the media wasn't involved, imposing upon us its standards for what a woman ought to look like, it wouldn't be a problem for men to be so visual. There are enough body types (men and women) to go around, and we generally attract what we are. If there wasn't this artificial presence throwing a wrench in things, our biology would not get in the way of us finding a mate. There are two sad consequences here for us to face:

1. If a man lets popular media decide what is attractive to him, he has let go of the reins in one of the most important matters in his life. He has surrendered his agency to Hollywood.

2. If a man lets popular media decide what is attractive to him, he will overlook some of the very best women there are, and thus settle for far less than he deserves in an eternal companion.

So. Here's my challenge to single LDS men everywhere. I think if we will start to do some simple things we will improve not only our quality of life, but we will improve the quality of life for the women in our lives, too. We might even begin to start making our own decisions about the most important human relationship we will ever have.

Simple Thing No. 1: Stop consuming so much media. You don't HAVE to play video games, you don't HAVE to constantly watch TV and movies, and you don't HAVE to constantly listen to some kind of music to be normal. You really don't. Try doing something that involves using your mind, instead of just allowing other people to implant their own agendas into your life.

Simple Thing No. 2: If you don't have a girlfriend, go on dates with a lot of different girls, and branch out to girls that you might not necessarily be attracted to physically. Let a good conversation be enough motivation to go on a date. The fact that you are not attracted to some girl may be more because you are subconciously adopting the world's standards, and less because she is not attractive.

Simple Thing No. 3: Give the Holy Ghost some ammunition to fight against all of the false ideas in the world (in your own life). The Savior said, "And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you..." (D&C 88:67) Study of the scriptures will fill your body with light. Study of the scriptures is the quickest, most effective way to start making your eye single to God's glory. Study of the scriptures will even begin to roll back the darkness that is imposed by the false ideas that are constantly streamed into our brains via popular media.

833

2009-07-02T12:09:00.004-06:00

... out of 1000, for a passing mark!

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the score. What a relief. All those months of studying. Getting home on Saturday night and studying right up until midnight. Agonizing over which I needed more - study time or time to go running. Endless hours in labs. And memorization - ugh. It's nice that it was all worth it, though, and definitely worth the price.

Here's the breakdown of the test, compared to my first attempt:

Category	First	Second
Implement EIGRP	77%	66%
Implement Multiarea OSPF	70%	50%
Describe Integrated IS-IS	71%	85%
Implement IOS Routing Features	60%	90%
Implement BGP	54%	81%
Implement Multicast Forwarding	62%	87%
Implement IPv6	50%	75%

So, I am now halfway down the road. I've got two tests left - ISCW (the security test) and ONT (the converged networks test). Hopefully I can keep my momentum.

Thanks so much to all the people who have encouraged me. I appreciate all of your support. It means a lot to me, especially when the people encouraging me don't really do technical things for a living and just have to take my word for how difficult it is.

And yes, I got a big smile and congratulations from the test proctor this time.

Nervous...

2009-07-01T21:55:00.002-06:00

This morning I woke up to the sound of my own voice repeating BGP router configuration commands. I'm not even kidding.

Tomorrow is my second run at the CCNP BSCI exam, the same exam I blogged about last time. I have spent much more time taking notes from my book, and have worked many hours on labs. I have read the book on planes while I traveled for work. I have spent probably too many hours worrying that I didn't give myself enough time. And now, apparently, I am even dreaming about the stuff.

I'm feeling better about all the areas of the test, except for Multicast. We'll see if the work has paid off.

Right now I am at the stage where I am reviewing notes and pacing around my room. In the labs, I have typed the commands so many times that it seems almost pointless to do it anymore. And yet, I still fear the simulator questions a little bit.

The only feeling that compares to this nervousness is the feeling I sometimes get when I am asking out a girl that I have decided I really want to hang out with. I know, it's cheesy to compare this to that. And I'm convinced that the butterflies in the stomach as I pull into the parking lot are the closest thing I have yet experienced to compare to pre-wedding jitters.

Tonight I'm looking down the barrel of a test that is more difficult than any test I have taken so far in my life. Hopefully tommorow I will have a good report!

Failure

2009-06-05T15:18:00.003-06:00

I hit the wall today. I went in, found my parking spot at the Ogden-Weber ATC, then went to the testing center to sit for the Cisco CCNP BSCI exam (642-901 for any of you fellow CCNP-aspirants).

Some of you will read the title of that test and nod your heads and understand why I would blog about it. Most of you are probably scratching your heads. It's okay. After a good lunch with a mentor of mine a few days ago, I have resigned myself to the fact that few people will ever really know what it is I do for a living. But it's all good.

There are four tests in the exam series that Cisco uses to certify candidates as a "Cisco Certified Network Professional". They are difficult tests. This is partly because these are not just the "cram-and-regurgitate" kind of evaluations that we have come to know and love in our public school system. They are tests of intelligence and reasoning as much as of content knowledge. And the methods they use make it impossible to simply memorize a bunch of stuff to pass. They're long. And brutal.

The holy grail of networking certifications is the CCIE, "Cisco Certified Internetworking Expert", which is the next certification above the CCNP. Those who have the CCIE are probably reading this and laughing. "'Brutal?', they might ask. 'Son, you don't know brutal'". And they are right. I hope one day to reach the mountain top of CCIE-dom. But from where I'm sitting today, that's a long, long way off. (If you want to read something that will take away any sympathy you might be feeling for me at this point, read Greg Ferro's CCIE Blog detailing his experience with the CCIE back in 2001, when it was "Easy".)

So today I took the second test in the CCNP series and failed it by about 4.6%. At a certain point in the test, when you have answered a bunch of questions without confidence, it becomes obvious that you are doomed. But then, after a string of questions you felt fairly good about you start thinking that maybe it is possible that I could pass. Then, there's that terrible, terrible 5 - 10 seconds after you push the "Finish Exam" button while you wait for your fate. And somewhere in your gut you know that you missed it. And then the waiting is over, and you get your judgement: "We regret to inform you that you did not pass. Your score was xx out of 1000, and the required passing score was xx."

One of the interesting parts of the whole experience, to me, is interacting with the test proctor. I have taken all of my cisco exams at the OWATC, and the same guy has been the proctor for the last 3 of them. When you walk in and tell him you're here for a Cisco test, he gets a look on his face like he is being asked to escort you to a firing squad. He says "good luck" as you start your test, but not in a generic, insincere way. He says it in a heavy, knowing way. Probably because he has seen many sad faces coming out of that room after these tests.

So, once I got my "regret to inform you" message on the screen, I have one more obstacle to cross - I have to face the proctor again. Not that he's mean - he's actually a really nice guy - but he still has to hand me my score sheet that breaks out the details of my failure. He apologizes and wishes me luck next time.

I have also seen this particular proctor when you come out of that room with a "pass". He looks genuinely happy for you, and congratulates you. And to be honest, that's a part of the psychological rush I always feel after I pass one of these tests.

So now, here I am. I have already starting plotting my revenge against the test. I'll be taking it again in 3 weeks. And next time, it's not going to know what hit it. I've ordered another book for preparing for the test, by a different author. Really, it's going to be hard not to pass next time. Because my pride is fully engaged now, and I am just not willing to be beaten by a wimpy, sniveling, spoiled little exam.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes of all time, given by the amazingly gifted Randy Pausch (deceased) in his "Last Lecture":

"...remember, the brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people."

So there you have it. Round 2 is scheduled for June 25th. Wish me luck!

Discipline

2009-04-14T23:53:00.003-06:00

I experienced something today for the first time in my life - I ran in the rain.

I have never been athletic, but lately I have been feeling the need to get myself in shape. So, for about the last 6 weeks I have been running the loop at Sugarhouse Park in Salt Lake City. It is a nice route around a beautiful park. It's really fun when lots of people are there. I go Monday through Saturday, usually around 6:00 or whenever I get off work.

So today I ran in the rain - it was marvelous! The feeling of the drops coming down my face, my soaking wet clothes, the squish sound of my steps on the grass (when I wasn't on the asphalt), and the smell of the rain, all made it quite an experience for me. I loved it! I hope it rains tomorrow, too...

All of this exercise over the last month and half has got me thinking about why I am doing it and what it is doing for me. And I have come to some conclusions.

At first, the motivation came from my doctor, who told me that my blood pressure was creeping up toward hypertension. I hate taking pills, and I would like to live past age 60, so I decided to start doing something about it. Reducing my sodium intake was pretty easy. Exercise was not. But I started running anyway. I hated it at first, I couldn't imagine why anyone would run for fun.

I should mention that the loop around Sugarhouse park is not flat. It's pretty hilly, and the last hill toward the end of the loop is pretty intense to run up, at least for me. As I have faced this hill toward the end of my run for the last couple of weeks, I have learned a lot. One rule of life I have learned is this - "You don't quit just because you're feeling pain". This is a true principle, and it has application in many other parts of life.

My motivation for running has changed. I certainly enjoy the 3+ hours of endorphins I feel after my run. But now it is more about me consistently facing a challenge and overcoming it. If I can keep at it, I can be proven by God in at least one aspect of my life. And the blessings from my consistently meeting this challenge can be enjoyed not just by me, but also by my future family. That is an investment worth making, one where the returns will also go to others.

I am coming to understand, through this experience, that self-discipline is an attribute with an extremely high price tag. But you get what you pay for! Besides, if we really are to be "tried in all things", we may as well pick a few of those battles for ourselves.

One last thought. As a man, I think often about what it will be like to provide for a wife and children, and protect them. Elder D. Todd Christopherson, in the October 2006 General Conference spoke about "Being Men". He said one thing that, in my opinion, permanently links the character attribute of self-discipline to husband and fatherhood: "Though he will make some sacrifices and deny himself some pleasures in the course of honoring his commitments, the true man leads a rewarding life. He gives much, but he receives more, and he lives content in the approval of his Heavenly Father. The life of true manhood is the good life."(emphasis added)

When I was running tonight with the rain coming down, I felt like I had a piece of the good life. I hope I can continue to.

I Prefer...

2009-04-10T23:33:00.002-06:00

I was thinking about how I could best describe (and in the process, discover) my personality and I had an epiphany - I could diagram my preferences! I believe that people are most shaped by the choices that they make. So, here are some of my choices. Note that many of them are between two equally good things.

I Prefer:

Nonverbal communication to talking with words

Gentle (or even not so gentle) honesty to insincere niceness

A single true principle, however clumsily expressed, to an hour of eloquent but empty preachiness

Quiet time to lots of fun and fast action

Mountains to asphalt

Light to darkness

Pouring rain to gently falling snow

A walk on a trail to a ride on a roller coaster

A conversation to a good movie

Holding hands to kissing

Watching a sunset to dinner at a good restaurant

Singing to writing poetry

Friends to admirers

Kindness to intelligence

Laying back to getting anxious

Photography to painting

Sweating to crying

On Being "Average"

2009-03-15T18:24:00.004-06:00

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about dating and marriage. As a single person, this is a topic that comes up frequently in my mind and my conversations with other singles. I was telling this friend that I felt like I was pretty average in most respects - that I'm not a flashy person. We decided that it really is a miracle that anybody gets married. That's a topic for another post, on a different blog.

After we finished talking, I reflected back on the conversation, and I realized that by expressing that I was pretty average that I was not (for once) feeling sorry for myself. Rather, I really felt like I was stating the facts.

I've decided that it's not so bad to be average. I have to be clear, though: mediocrity is not what I am talking about here. Clearly, we must hope and work for excellence if we are really going to feel what it is like to be alive. What I am talking about is that the group we are "average" in relation to is a pretty extraordinary group.

As humans, we for some reason feel the need to measure ourselves against each other. That's something most of us probably struggle with, and it's a sign of emotional and spiritual maturity when we can truly stop doing it. But for now, while we are still trying to overcome that tendency, here's a thought that may help:

Average is a relative term. It is used to describe what mathematicians call "central tendency". It is a word that describes entire systems. If you gathered the 10 top mathematicians in the world and measured their abilities and accomplishments, you would certainly see variations in the results of those measurements. But nobody would be willing to say that the mathematician in the number 10 spot on that list is incompetent or not worthy of being in the group of the top ten mathematicians in the world.

I then start looking around at the group that I am "average" in, and I don't feel so bad. The group I am in was described by God as "very good". The worth of my soul, according to the Lord Jesus Christ, is "great", and I don't see anything in the scriptures to suggest that my soul is worth more or less than another in God's eyes.

Members of the group (read, the mortal human race) that I am a part of have done some pretty spectacular things, like walking on the moon, developing the theory of relativity, establishing a divinely-inspired constitution, feeding the hungry, and even seeing and communicating with God himself.

I am in a group of beings that have limitless potential, and that is pretty uncommon. Even the mightiest stars in the universe will one day have an end, but every single member of this group that I am an "average" member of will eventually be immortalized (See Elder Neal A. Maxwell's General Conference talk "Remember How Merciful the Lord Hath Been", last paragraph).

So, it's not so bad to be average. Being average in the top tier of God's vast creations seems to me to be not a label of mediocrity - it's a reason to rejoice!

Thoughts on birthdays

2009-02-24T23:40:00.002-07:00

I just had a birthday, on Sunday, February 22nd. I turned 28. It was a pretty typical Sunday. One nice thing was that some awesome girls in my ward re-gifted some old cookies to me as a birthday present :) And a really good friend insisted that we celebrate, so we went to dinner last night with some friends - I was glad for that.

I didn't advertise that it was my birthday to anyone, because I have never really made a big deal out of my birthday. I really do feel good when people have, a couple of times, done something nice for me on my birthday. But I haven't been too upset when people didn't know about it.

Another friend of mine was talking about the kinds of things she did for roommates for their birthdays, and I was left wondering, "why do females make such a big deal out of birthdays? Is it really that important?" And the conclusion I came to was that, yes, it is important, for a couple of reasons.

1. Each person on the earth is unique, and without you, the human race would be absent part of its personality. It is tremendously important that you, as an individual, live on this earth. By being born, you have given the human family a little more personality.

2. Birth is an event that those of us living in this dispensation of time have waited for for a very long time. We lived before we were born on this earth in a pre-existence with our Heavenly Father and Mother and the rest of the unborn human race. Those of us born since the opening of this dispensation in 1820 have waited at least 6,000 years for that singular moment of our birth. That's a long time to wait! So, the event where we first breathed the air of this world is certainly worth celebrating. It represents the granting of the sacred gift of a physical body.

So now, my attitudes about birthdays have changed. I probably still won't solicit birthday celebrations. But next year, fresh cookies and even a kiss would be a nice birthday present (ladies, hint, hint).

After all, if I am really as good looking as I think I am, my birthday is a gift to you, too!

An Historic Election

2008-11-04T23:52:00.002-07:00

We have elected our first black president, and change is indeed coming for the United States. My hope is that the change will lead us upward. That remains to be seen, but there are many reasons for us to have hope.

First, we live in the greatest nation on earth. The divinely-inspired constitution will protect us, as long as the voice of the people does not choose iniquity. I don't believe that our country's election of Barack Obama to the presidency represents a choice of iniquity. President Obama will be accountable for his leadership of this nation, and as citizens of this nation, we should be conditionally loyal to him. Our loyalty, of course, is conditioned on his integrity in office.

Second, while the office of the President of the United States weilds more power than ever in the history of the country, the system of checks and balances in our form of government protects us. We are protected from one man singlehandedly bringing down our cherished government. As long as a majority of us choose righteousness, our way of life will remain intact.

Finally, I believe that this land is a special place - a place prepared by God for many purposes. As long as we, as a people, act in good faith and in righteousness, our liberty will be protected by God. It is when the people make changes for the worse in their own lives that we are in danger, not when they change who they vote for for president.

Just for the record, I voted for John McCain, and I support conservative principles.

First Post

2008-07-28T22:13:00.000-06:00

Well, here it is. I decided to give up hosting my own blog on my website. I figure I'll let someone else do it who can do it better. I'll do my best to keep events in my life up to date here. And I'll try to say things that actually matter.

At this moment in my life, things are going pretty well. I love my job, I like my roomates, I love my family, and I love God. And all of these have been really good to me, especially God.

I feel like I am at an exciting time in my life! I am almost done with my Bachelor's degree at WSU . I'm even thinking about graduate school, at some point (but not just yet). I'd like to find a nice girl to date, and it seems like I run into them on a semi-regular basis. It is, of course, the subject of many conversations with my single friends (and probably a source of amusement for my married friends) , this thing called dating. But eventually it will be at an end- I hope.

That's all for today. My website is still live at http://www.tomsbox.net . I plan to use it as a way to publish my professional interests, along with some of my photography. Please, let me know what you think of it.